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Friday, November 27, 2009

Onionville USA

Onionville USA

From the chronicles of Homewood, come the tales of the inhabitants of Onionville, USA. Now, like many chronicles, the imagination must be active and able to grasp the unlikely as well as the obvious. For not everyone can be a vegetable, fruit or witness to the conversion of same to beings with human qualities. Hence, the world of Onionville.

Spring is a blissful time of year with blossoms, green grass and longer days. Many of the inhabitants of Onionville have experience out of body wonders while growing into adults in the hinterland of Homewood. Homewood is a small, isolated development bordered by woods, and heavily traveled railroad. It has been rumored for many years that those who inhabit Homewood experience unusual phenomenon not unlike section 51 in New Mexico. It was under these circumstances that Onionville was born.

The Spring brings forth not only the little children but growth of flowers, weeds, bugs and of course wild onions. The population of Onionville can be measured by the number of bikes, basketballs and golf carts running the streets. Only children have the imagination to view the world of Onionville. Alas, the adults of the inner and outer circles of Homewood lack the observance of life which would permit the experience of Onionville.

The origin of Onionville can only be speculative. While Good Grief, Idaho is displayed on the Google Map, Onionville has not been disclosed to the world. Thankfully, Onionville exists in the imagination of its inhabitants and not cluttered with worldly recognition. It is rumored that Onionville began as a wholesome endeavor by a local inhabitant in an effort to rid his Hosta garden of wild onions. Little did the neighborhood know the cosmic powers of the lowly wild onion.

Spread eagle among the Hosta, this gardener tempted to eradicate his patch of the wild onions filling this shaded portion of earth. Sitting like a five year old boy, onions between outstretched legs, he attempted to pull and dig up these temperamental plants. Relief and much needed help were on the way.

To his dismay, the variety of the onion world arrived at his feet. Must have been the cosmic alignment of planets which brought to him the patrons of the onion world. They appear in order to help the Gardner harvest the wild onions, which, unknown to the young Gardner, they represented the youngest of the smelly world.

Before me was "Ebenezer Red" known in the hood for his desire to eat pretzels and drink coke with Denise. With him was "Utopia" his sister, who spends much time on her cell phone talking to the boys she had to pay to call her. Proud on his chopper bike was "Excalibur", known far and wide for his desire to work and pull weeds. His sidekick was "Riviera" with that slinky look, sure personality and full eyebrows. Now this was the Homewood Onions arriving to help this young gardener.

Knowing that the planets were aligned the crew began to pull wild onions from the hosta patch. Clouds formed in the north and wind began to fill the Homewood valley. It is unknown if it was the lightning or the strong smell of the onions or the combo of same, but the dogwood tree began to blaze and the earth shook. As the oak leaves whirled, Molly barked and Bailey wagged, clouds enveloped the crew for what seemed like an eternity. As the dust cleared there stood Onionman with the red cape flowing behind him and a new SUPER HERO was born.

Born may not be the correct description, more like created by the forces around him. Born of the aroma of the plant, soil, worms and rotting mulch, to create the force which could extract tears from the strongest men and receive reverence from chefs world wide. ONIONMAN was with us.
Onionman stood strong among his minions. While they showed little reverence for this hero, they understood they were among greatness and a man of many layers. No one is certain, but most believe Onionman is a descendant of the famous Vidalia clan. The clan of the Vidalia is known world wide for their sweetness, kind heart and sympathy for their fellow onions.
New to the worldly ones are the Yumions. These young buds are the next generation of Onionville. The Yumions are represented by the various sects of the onion world. Not conscripts to the Onionman, but trainees to be sent about the world to further the onion life style. Yumions are the future of agriculture and rank among the most respected spores of the vegetable world.

A recent rumor may be true, that a Yumion has been selected to the cabinet of President Elect Obama as Agricultural Secretary. Wow! This would be the start of world domination in the growth of Onionism. What a fragrant world we live in!
Alas, this story must conclude. The story does not end but only concludes. The Yumions of the world will continue the work of Onionman for decades to come. Onionman can only ask that you continue to support the pulling of wild onions, cultivate the pedigree varieties and support your Yumions. For remember the Yumions are the layers of the future and provide us with the pungent experiences we will carry forward to our senior years.
Love and Affection with all the flavors of the earth,
Onionman.

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